RECOVERY IN THE GARDEN
By
Linda Cucurullo
On the first day of spring, at the beginning of a very troubling time for me, while I was recovering from disappointment and loss, I stormed into the garden with rake in hand. As I tore up the ground, no burrowed leaf or occasional piece of paper was safe. I went behind snarled roots, under bushes and trees; I raked and raked until I could feel the wet moisture of sweat run down my back. My arms ached. Grabbing the hoe, I tore into the soil, turned it over unleashing the life force buried in the frozen earth. My mind was focused on the task at hand. The constant mind chatter stopped. I didn’t hear my worry voice, not once. I dragged the hose out, soaked the ground, dragged the sack of lime out, put on my face mask and worked the lime into the freshly turned soil. Using my clippers I ferociously cut all dead branches back. Filling big black plastic bags with winter’s debris and dragging them to the curb. My heart stopped hurting for a little while.
For two hours I did not think. I was on automatic, absorbed in the earth, talking to the garden. I let go of my mind, and all persistent thoughts. The energy of the garden carried me forward, sweating with purpose, driven. I felt Divine presence this day in the garden.
Walking to the back of the house with a scowl, a sense of desperation, anger and sadness entwined. I came upon a patch of perfect tall elegant purple bearded Irises in full bloom. I stopped short, “Oh my God, how incredibly beautiful!” I heard a voice in my head say, “How could you doubt me?” I am reminded in the garden today about everyday miracles and the life and beauty that always surrounds me even though I may not be paying attention.
I cried in the garden today. I knew you would understand. In silence you accepted my tears. You opened your arms embracing me as I cried. I felt safe that you would be there forever.”
It is a joy to see every sort of flower and fern evolve from barren ground. Somewhere deep in the earth there is a life that springs forth, giving miles of pleasures to my soul. Was there any sadness there a minute before I saw the patch of gorgeous tulips, every size shape and color? I don’t remember sadness. I don’t remember loss. I only saw the creativity and manifestations of a Divine intelligence bigger than I could imagine.
I attacked the weeds, pulling them out, made it neat, and brought order and symmetry to my world. Pulling the weeds I talk to the earth, you receive me, no questions asked. I give you my troubles. You share my pain. I found my constant companion in the garden today.
I love the smell of the earth. It smells like the beginning of time when the world was new and untouched. The sound of the hose water seeping into the earth makes me think of lush rain forests from some ancient memory. I feel the earth replenished and come alive as my bare feet sink deep into the mud. I found my roots in the garden today.
It is amazing how the earth recovers and responds after the freeze of winter. How it opens its arms and embraces the sun. The earth is filled with energy that continually heals no matter what we do to it. The same energy that flourishes in this garden is the force that moves and nourishes the universe. It is in a constant state of creation. I know how we all recover. Faith, time, love’s nourishment, the cycle of life that keeps going no matter what.
I am grateful for this little space of ground given to me from a Divine source that keeps the entire world in order. I am grateful of the reminder that I am not in charge. It reminds me how ridiculous it is to think I am in charge ever. I was humbled in the garden today.
As the growing season progressed, I found the long forgotten seeds planted a year ago have all of a sudden grown tall with majestic blooms. The birth of so many plants is more than I could ever imagine. The garden is no place for puny thinking. Doubt and pessimism are out of the question in the garden. This is the magical realm of invisible supply. I found assurance in the garden today that seeds I have scattered will take root and bloom abundantly as nature and time do their miracles. I am reminded of universal timing. I found wisdom, foresight and trust in the garden.
And when my garden was at its peak of health and beauty, our house needed a major foundation repair. As the contractor walked me around the house, he showed me all my gardens that had to come out.
My plants! my beautiful flowers and shrubs! My rock garden! No way! You will just have to find some other way. There was no other way. The plants would have to come out and stay out for a week. The contractor said he would do his best to save them, but he couldn’t promise anything. I felt myself sigh as I began to see it from his point of view. I felt my shoulders slump a little as I lost the wind in my sail.
When they were done, it looked like the aftermath of a war. All my plants had lain out for days in the scorching sun. They lay like corpses, dried and withered. The workmen, not gardeners, stuck some of these pathetic beings back into the ground. I knew they were dead, but the nurturer in me could not help watering them. As I looked over my loss, I suddenly remembered the meditative art the Tibetan monks have of making mandalas. They work on these beautiful sacred circles for months, concentrating on one little grain of colored sand at a time. At the completion of the mandala, when it is perfectly beautiful, they destroy it. It is said that in the letting go of attachment a healing occurs.
The garden served its purpose. It was the time I spent in meditation, healing my soul with the Divine, the enjoyment of creating, the time I gave my all to the earth in love. It was all just in the moment. I knew that intellectually, however the reality was a different matter. I had to let go. Nature turned the wheel and life was moving on.
One morning a few weeks later I came out to find little green shoots and leaves appearing from what surely looked like dead branches. I was reminded of the power and glory of the life force within. As I start building my garden again I will remember to feel joy in the moment and accept when things change and be able to move on with trust and faith that everything is in Divine order.
Linda Cucurullo is a spiritual mentor and energy worker. She offers private sessions as well as group spiritual direction circles. She can be reached at 516 483 4453 or lcucuril@optonline.net
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