MY ADVENTURES WITH FOOD
By Linda
Emotional eating, don’t we all do it? No! Some people actually can not eat when there emotions are disrupted. Better yet there are some people who only eat when they are hungry for food. This is not me and not most of the people I know, none of my family definitely. I learned early in life that we celebrated with food, grieved with food, healed with food, avoided with food, felt better with food, became numb with food. Boredom, stress, fatigue, tension, anger, loneliness all cured with food
My particular likes and needs have always been hearty meals for substance. Since so often I was worried and afraid, (my nature), I needed grounding, nourishment to prepare me to be strong and safe. These foods come in the form of fresh dough, Italian bread, pasta..pasta..pasta.. in every form; pastina, shells, linguine, rigatoni, ziti. I am well acquainted with them, and the all the hearty sauces that accompany them with lots of grated cheese and fresh olive oil. Sometimes I would fool myself by making my favorite pasta of the day with vegetables. My rationalization was that it would be a light dish. I actually believed this for awhile. This is true, probably if you ate one cup. If this is possible for anyone I would like to meet them.
I remember a long time ago someone I knew came over to tell me some bad news at eleven O ‘clock at night. I sat across from him on the couch and as he started to talk I interrupted and asked him to please come into the kitchen to finish so I could boil water for macaroni. He looked puzzled and I didn’t understand why. Another time when my son was little he put his hand through the glass door. As my then husband was calling 911
I was reaching past him to get the heel of Italian bread from the toaster oven. As he grabbed my wrist I came out of my trance. Disappointment is another reason to indulge. In my dating days after a blind date I would stop on my way home at the 7-11 and buy a bag of chocolate chip cookies, the big, fat, very moist expensive ones. I ate them on the way home. They always helped take my mind off the let down of my expectations of running into someone who didn’t bore me or scare me to death. I bet every single woman knows this one. This must have come from my childhood. Whenever I got hurt or came home crying after I told my mom all about it she always said “come with mommy lets share a cookie and hot chocolate.” Nervous, have a little something it will make you relax Depressed? You need a good meal, how about a little ice cream.” A life time of soothing emotions with food.
Being with controlling, opinionated people that always know everything is a real bingeing time for me. I have a two hour maximum that I can be with them, then none of my little techniques work. I have to get out of there at the two hour limit or I am done for.
My best friend is a desert person, chocolate in particular. I have watched my friend after a long day at work or a long week of dieting soothe herself with the tastes of rich dark chocolate, licking each finger in the most sensuous way. It is a pleasure to watch her pleasure. Her voice even changes a little; she gets that little girl sound to it.
I have studied the ways to health my whole adult life, I know healthy, nutritious, life giving foods. I do know that dark chocolate is the better one to eat, however not a whole bar of it. I can adhere to the holistic sane rules of eating on an every day basis, until my emotions go into a spin, which is pretty often, since I am of Italian and Jewish origin, our emotions are most always on high and we do love food.
In my childhood home if someone was stopping by ‘only for a minute’ you had to run out for cake and put the coffee pot on. No one was going to leave our house hungry and there was always a small piece wrapped up for them to take with them on the ride home, even if it was a fifteen minute trip, “for later”, my mom would say. When we had family dinners whole care packages of leftovers were prepared for everyone. They were sent home in big brown shopping bags with handles that were saved just for this purpose No one should go hungry. When we left our aunts homes we were also given shopping bags of food. You see this disease was pervasive throughout the family. My mother even cooked sumptuous meals for the dogs, sautéing chop meat and chicken livers in green olive oil. “to add to the dog food, which must be so bland’ she would say.
Learning from my mother again, my car is always stocked with bottles of water and little snack bags of high energy foods like raisins and nuts in the glove compartment. Sucking candy; lemon drops, peppermints, caramels are also a staple. What if you have a low blood sugar attack from not eating and need just a little something. Believe me this has never happened to any of us in my family. My sister still carries little bags of pretzels in her pocketbook.
Weather, like emotions also dictates certain foods. On cool gray days I always have to have pots of rich thick soup, stews, nourishing foods as if I lived with no central heating in the middle of Alaska. On hot summer days it’s always mounds of fresh fruit. After all fruit is refreshing and hydrating, so is water, but ‘just water?’ Never! . Sickness that was another. We were put into our parent’s bed with a heating pad at our feet and a cool wash rag for our foreheads and given homemade beef tea which is made by slowly simmering a marrow bone for over an hour in a double boiler. Then of course just a little pastina was added. “What just liquid, you need a little something to stick to your bones.” Chicken soup made slowly with fresh vegetables. Of course the few matzo balls or wide egg noodles had to be added. Fresh chicken was used always bought in the kosher butcher where they actually slaughtered them and burned off their feathers while you waited. When I found this out I swore off chicken for a long time.
I tried the diet foods for a while. I went through the no fat food fad, Yuk! They are so bad. I thought I could eat more of a non- fat piece of cheese. The one good thing about it is that after one bite you don’t want anymore. It tastes like a slab of rubber. The no fat cakes, even a whole cake will leave you completely unsatisfied. When you get a taste of the real stuff you are so frustrated the emotions rage and you end up eating the whole thing.
Over the years with this constant struggle I have come up with a few guidelines do help:
1. I take five deep breaths before I eat anything, (grounding myself)
2. I drink one big glass of water before I eat anything (filling myself)
3. I write down every morsel before I put it in my mouth. I have to admit I only use this one when I am completely out of control, like today, a cold gray rainy day.
4. I write 3 pages in my journal every day so I can dump rage, frustration, anger, etc.
5. I stay away from controlling, opinionated, know it all people.
6. When eating I try to wear pants with a waistband and zipper
7. I pray, “Lord please let me stay in control”
All I can say is that sometimes they work and sometimes you just have to FORGIVE YOURSELF and move on to the next day. “What no guilt?”
God Bless |